whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
