I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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