I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
