My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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