I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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