I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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