You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
