the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
