I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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