Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
