the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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