Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
