I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
