You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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