Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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