bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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