I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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