This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
