think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize