He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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