I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
