That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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