And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
