i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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