Acid is not a monday night drug
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
