WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
