I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
