Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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