I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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