I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize