how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
