I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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