Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When did angry sex become our thing?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
