well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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