if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His nipple licking is glorious
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