OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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