"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
