My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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