She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
