All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
