Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
