your parents love me but you hate me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
