i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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