I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
