Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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