Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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