dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
