some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
