honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
