You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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