Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
