he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
