im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
