Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
