Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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