Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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