Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
