we have officially lost it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
