Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
