Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
