Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
