Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize