Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
