Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
