Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
