I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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