Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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