I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
