perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
